A question for you: Do your kids ever have occasion to use sterling flatware and china when they invite friends for dinner? I realize that many of them may not *own* sterling or china, so this becomes hypothetical: Would they use it if you gave it to them?
The background. I inherited two sets of sterling flatware, one set from my parents and one set from a great aunt and uncle, so they are family heirlooms of a sort. Elliott only knew my dad; the other three died before he was born, but he lives in my great aunt and uncle’s house (as did I for 30+ years). I recently reminded Elliott that he would inherit them. He wrote to me: “As much as it might pain you, I think you are better off selling all that silver and whatnot and investing the money. We have no space for it and we wouldn't ever use it anyway. Formal dinner parties like you grew up with are not a thing people do any more. Cleaning the silver is neither a cost nor time investment that anyone is willing to make.” Obviously, the sentimental attachment is nil.
What would your kids’ attitude be about using it?
I want to thank all who who took the time to respond to my query about sterling silver (and china, sort of). I append the responses, anonymized. Most of them confirm the conventional wisdom.
Elliott's view seems to be widely shared among our
children. However, it is not only our children who are largely uninterested in
sterling and china (and most of our other "stuff"!). Several of you
wrote to tell me that *you* weren't interested in it: have it and don't use it
or got rid of it. What struck me, however, was that several of you indicated
your *grandchildren* are or might be interested! (Our granddaughter Svea, at 14
months, hasn't expressed an opinion yet about silver and china 
)
Obviously there's no right or wrong about keeping versus getting rid of sterling and china. I have kept both, from different forbears, and we use them off and on during the year. I find it fun to set an attractive table for dinner guests using our own items plus those from my parents and grandparents. At the same time, I recognize that all of our long-time friends would come for dinner even if we used paper plates and plastic utensils and glasses and many don't give two hoots if it's an attempt at an elegantly-set table.
My more general sentiment--clearly not widely shared--is that I find these things connect me with my parents and grandparents and great-grandparents. I didn't ask you about other items that may have come along from parents and grandparents and other relatives. Your answers about such items might have been different.
For example, I never knew my maternal great-grandmother (she died 30 years before I was born) but I treasure having her wicker sewing basket, the 19th-century (Danish) Bible in which she recorded marriages, births, and deaths, her letters to my grandmother, and her hand-painted pitcher given to her by one of her sons. And so on.
The same with the wedding china and desk brass-and-glass grandfather clock: they give me a bond with my dad's parents, whom I can barely remember, as does my dad's mother's mother's 19th-century KJV Bible, in which she also recorded marriages, births, and deaths. She also died many years before I was born.
Similar items have fallen into my hands: my grandmother's painted flamingo plaster wall plaques (likely from the 1930s), a print that hung in my dad's parents' apartment for many years and prints that hung in my grandmother's house, art that hung in my parents' house, and on and on.
I like having things that I know my forbears held and used and looked at. Maybe I'm just strange.
Gary
* * *
Here is what my friends wrote.
-- I believe they would have the same reaction to that question as Elliott. I have my mother’s and I have never used it. I am thinking about selling it as of late.
-- Yes, my daughter
does use these things occasionally (as do I) at least in part because she also
lives in a big old house and appreciated that part of growing up. I love seeing
that—she actually sets up a coffee station and uses china cups and saucers and
a coffee pot, etc. that goes with. They were given sterling flatware by a great
aunt (I only have silver plate) and they inherited their china. I don’t know
about my son and his bride. They have her grandmother’s china already.
Definitely a matter of young adults’ personal preference.
(added response: correction - I think the price of silver has skyrocketed so I think the flatware is definitely worth the effort. The china is not worth anything much.)
-- My kids said:
“Thanks but no thanks.” I gave them each a set of sterling anyway.
They don’t
use them and I hope they have sold them. I won’t ask. Neither of my kids want
any heirlooms except the ones that have a sentimental value to THEM and can fit
in their houses. (A few pieces of art, pieces of jewelry and some polished rocks.)
This is not a generation that wants old stuff. And I don’t think it sells for
much. You could try guilt by telling them you are hanging on to some things for
your granddaughter….
-- Our kids aren't too interested -- must be dishwasher safe for them to want anything! BUT our granddaughter loves it all! However, she could very well change her mind when the time comes. I kept a teacup and saucer and some pieces of silver from my parents as a reminder. I think people "down South" are more interested in the silver and fine china for entertaining than midwesterners are.
-- In general, my kids seem to have no interest in silverware. But now that [my daughter] has become the host of family holiday gatherings, she has taken over our formal china and even found additional matching service pieces on the internet (the china is no longer made). They also are interested in the Christmas china.
-- It would be a mixed response. Our [one] son and his wife have dinner parties all the time and also our daughter. Our son in Mpls doesn’t entertain like that. Neither registered for sterling 30 years ago and really wouldn’t care to get the set I have. So I get where Elliott is coming from. Different times.
-- I think that mine, although older, would agree with Elliott. You can get a lot melting it down these days. I have a set that I haven't done yet because I have one VERY sentimental daughter who would have a hissy fit (but won't use it). I don't use it because I HATE polishing it. :-)
-- All hypothetical!
I never had sterling so I didn’t have any to give away. [One DIL] has china and
maybe silver from her mother and grandmother which she uses. I still have our
china which I still use. My granddaughters are the only ones who might be interested.
And [one granddaughter] FaceTimed us 15 minutes ago so I asked her and she
seemed enthusiastic about receiving it but I’d have to wait until she had a
place of her own. Her mother doesn’t have a sentimental bone in her body.
[Another granddaughter] might be interested in the years to come. [My sister]
has my mother’s sterling silver. Our niece was interested in our cut glass
stemware so that found a good home. Couldn’t find any takers for [MIL’s] silver
plate serving pieces. I think Goodwill got them.
I understand
Elliott’s resistance to polishing silver.
Hard to let nostalgia go!
-- I think our kids would feel the same way about the sterling silver specifically and family heirlooms in general. My mom has all kinds of really nice things, from a grandfather clock to expensive figurines. I don’t know what we’ll do with all of it. Your son would probably love it if you sold the silver and invested it in a 529 plan.
-- Both my kids would respond exactly as Elliott did. I am not surprised at all by his response.
-- My kids don’t have any interest in either flatware or china — nor do antique stores or secondhand shops or Value Village or Bridging. No one. That includes me. I never used any of it. I had my own, my mother’s, my grandmother’s, and my great-grandmother’s — flatware and china. All gone.
-- Our kids are like
Elliott and we also have 2 sets of sterling silver and several sets of bone
china. We are hopeful that someday one of them might change his or her mind, so
we are holding on to them for a while. Our kids don't want anything of ours 
-- gave [my daughter] my Mom's china and she has never used it. I have china, silver flatware and crystal glasses and I never use them either. Primary reason - it all needs to be hand washed. Looks beautiful though!
-- Our kids would sell it! They would say exactly what Elliott said although not as kindly! We feel fortunate that, over 10 years ago, we gave the china to a niece. We wrapped it up and found containers for her to take it home that day (family reunion). Since several couples drink, we think one of the kids might want the glassware.
-- Sorry to say, but our kids would fall in with Elliott’s sentiments. We have A LOT of stuff I’m pretty sure they will not want. Good luck! Please let me know if you have any good tips for dispensing with China and silverware.
-- Actually [my wife] and I never in our sixty years of marriage used the china, crystal, and silver we were given at our wedding. We felt bad for the people who had spent all that money. And certainly, our kids don't do so! I haven't sold the silver, but this would be a great time to do so.
-- We have never had sterling flatware. We do have some silverplate that [my wife] inherited and another set we bought at a garage sale. We virtually never use it. There have been a few times we have hosted a holiday dinner for family when we got out [my wife's] inherited china and the silverplate. We don't do that anymore but we do have everyday dishes and utensils to handle eight without getting out the fancy stuff.
-- Our kids don't want any of it and (without asking them) I'm pretty sure they would answer like Elliott did. Same goes for any other "stuff" we have, including furniture.
-- When I inherited my mother's china and silver flatware NO ONE wanted them ... even the antique store. I finally sold her full china set for $50. She would be so disappointed. So, yeah, I don't think anyone uses china like they used to, including me. I guess it's an old fashioned idea. I even have an old silver tea set no one wants. May have to sell that for the silver as well.
-- Unfortunately you are having a common experience for "our" generation as I talk with friends and siblings. Here is my experience:
One son, partnered but not married and in a condo, has indicated that he does not need/want basically anything from us - he has pointed to a few furniture pieces that might work for him if we move. He and his partner have chosen stoneware that they like and have no space for any second set of dishes; she likes to cook and has all the kitchen equipment she wants.
The other son is married with two teenage daughters. His wife already has two sets of extra dishes (quality china, Waterford glassware, and silver items including flatware). It has sentimental value for her from family on both sides, and there is enough for both daughters to inherit. If we want to hand down one or two items -- that is the most they will take into their already packed basement storage area. Neither son is interested in the silver and the need to maintain it.
Elliott is correct,
I think, that only the very upper classes who have large houses with lots of
storage, staff to maintain valuable household items, and the need to entertain
regularly maintain and regularly use fine china and in the way you see displayed
in upscale home decor magazines. On the other hand, my daughter-in-law does
bring out one of her special sets at Christmas and Easter - and that may
explain the tepid interest of our granddaughters at the moment. So,
alternatively, you might keep your sets in storage and see what that
granddaughter is thinking in 20+ years.
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