Friday, September 9, 2022
Good afternoon, on a cold, rainy afternoon in Minneapolis.
I have to correct an error in my last message. Prostate biopsies do not cause incontinence or impotence. I learned that (I thought) a number of years ago, and it's just plain wrong. Prostate surgery and radiation can cause them, but not the biopsy. The biopsy, my friend and the patient literature tell me, is just painful.
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My friend and bridge partner of 49 years, Ann Sonnesyn, died last weekend at age 74. That leaves a significant gap in my life. We had many good times together, especially as social partners in the 1970s, before I met Pat, but Pat and I remained good friends with her, as were Kathy and I.
Ann and I played bridge on Saturday August 27, in the group that's been playing since 1978—and Ann and I won. So she went out with a win. On one occasion in the summer of 1977 she and I played with five other couples—a three-table duplicate game—at our friends the Freemans' home. I decided everyone had had such a good time that we should convene monthly starting in the spring of 1978. Ann's response was, "you decided what???" She grudgingly agreed to try it out—and enjoyed it for the following 44 years.
I met her in the summer of 1973, when she first returned from California and a marriage that was ending. We would occasionally play bridge with her parents, whom I liked very much. Eleanor was quite proper in her language and behavior, but one time we were playing and she lost three finesses to me, provoking a "damn you, Gary!" She was so embarrassed at her outburst that she apologized profusely; Ann and I were laughing because we thought it was so funny.
We had memorable times together, such as the weekend that she talked me into going with her, Ted & Kathy Wangensteen, and another couple (I don't recall who) to the Boundary Waters in Ted & Kathy's motorhome to go fishing. Four of us played bridge while two manned the driving. It rained much of the time we were up there, and the fishing was lousy, but at least I got to see the Kettle Falls Hotel. My contribution to the expenses of the trip was to pay for the motorhome gas. I remember it was $55—and this would have been the late 1970s.
We had countless dinners together with many friends. I can't remember them all and I won't try to here; it would take a small book.
Ann was always convivial, always courteous, and always considerate. I will miss her, both at the bridge table and in our visits with Ann and her husband Brian in Florida in the winter.
As a mutual friend observed after Ann's death, it seems to be our lot in life as we get older to see friends die. We must deal with those events as best we can.
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One of my colleagues in Higher Education, Melissa Anderson, now retired, has published a book, Prof Notes: Wry Observations on Academic Life. For those who spent their lives, or much of their time, in higher education, it is a sprightly and fun read. (If you're interested, you can find a link to purchase the book here: https://mandwriter.com/.)
I had lunch with Melissa recently—the first time since what my friend Walt Jacobs refers to Before Times—and we were reminiscing a bit. She received her Ph.D. a few years before I did—we overlapped a year or so—and we may have had a seminar together as graduate students. She became a member of the faculty in the Higher Education program after earning her degree—and I had a seminar from her! Neither of us could remember what seminar it was. At a much later time we worked closely together when she served as chair of the University Senate Research Committee. She was distinguished for her work in research ethics, both nationally and internationally.
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A humorous if gruesome reality sent to me by a friend.
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I've recently received amused or quizzical looks when I mention that I'm doing paint-by-numbers created from family photos. Oh well. I tend to think in decades and generations, and I see these photo-paintings as something that the recipients (primarily Elliott & Martha, at this point) will find fun to look at in 30-40 years and that their kids might enjoy just as much—assuming the recipients retain them or they aren't lost in a fire or flood. ("Mommy, who is that?" "Dear, it's me with your father when we got engaged." "Daddy, who is that with you and where were you?" "It's my sister and we were in Japan." And so on.) Most of us have photos, in albums or more disorganized, but who looks at them all that often? These paintings will be reminders of some good times in earlier life. If either of my parents had done these (or my grandmother, who loved to do paint-by-numbers, but the technology of creating the kits from photos was decades in the future), I would put a high sentimental value on them. The only "selfish" part of the hobby is that I'm memorializing myself! I'm only in a couple of the paintings, but all of them will come from me and, after I am long gone, will serve as a reminder that I once was a living human being, too.
The primary difference between what I do and what a real portrait artist like Elliott does is that in my case, it's a computer algorithm and human designer who interpret whereas in Elliott's case, he's the one doing the interpretation of the subject.
But foremost, they fall clearly under Gary's Retirement Rule #3: "Do I have to do it? No. Will I enjoy doing it? Yes. Then I'll do it." I enjoy the painting and simultaneously listening to Minnesota Public Radio (the classical station; the news station is way too depressing to listen to).
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
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I got my updated bivalent COVID booster today.
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My cousin Queen Elizabeth II died yesterday. Cousin status with her is one I share with several million Americans. William the Conqueror (died 1087) had a number of children, some of whom had progeny; Elizabeth II was one descendant; no one knows how many descendants he has. I've seen wildly varying estimates, from 5 million to 50 million, including several million Americans. I do know that part of my family line goes back to him, but so do the family lines of many Americans. I'm not holding my breath waiting to be told I'm in line for succession to the throne.
It is interesting that Elizabeth II's death will have zero effect on the daily lives of perhaps 99.999% of the world's population but her funeral and the coronation of Charles III will be in the news, at least in the western world, for a couple of weeks. I can understand, however, that many UK residents—and others around the globe—will mourn her passing because she was so effective in her role. Can you imagine being in the limelight all the time and Every. Single. Day. for 70 years a workday?
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Elliott and Martha are happily married. They are less happy about their ability to find a house to buy.
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We have friends who are, or recently have been, gallivanting all over the globe. Well, Europe, anyway. Friends are or have been in England, Spain, France, Norway, Croatia, and Italy. We sit at home. We postponed our November 2022 Egypt tour to 2023 because of COVID worries: several days of the tour are on a cruise ship in the Nile (and we all know about what can happen on cruise ships) and the possibility of being in the Egyptian health care system if we were to contract COVID. So we'll see about 2023. We would go to Europe now because we trust their health care systems. Maybe we should. There's never been such a long period in our lives when we haven't been on an airplane ☹
Now I'll gallivant upstairs to my painting studio (aka what used to be Elliott's bedroom). Enjoy what remains of the summer weather (if you've had summer weather you want to continue).
Gary
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